Faith in Violence Free Families
On February 16th I attended a seminar entitled, "Faith in Violence Free Families," a seminar focused on domestic violence. I initially decided to attend because, even though I was sure that domestic violence was not present in our congregation, the information could still help me to be more aware of one of society's unspoken problems. And so I went.
Boy, was it an eye-opener! Let me quote you some of the statistics: 25% of women are abused by an intimate partner in their lifetime. In California, 250,000 women are victims of severe violence annually. What this means is that in a gathering of 100 adult women, it is statistically possible that: 25 have been or will be abused by an intimate partner in their lifetime. At least one has been abused within the last year. And it is no longer just women. More and more men are also suffering from the abuse of domestic violence.
Surprisingly, domestic violence is NOT caused by genetics, illness, alcohol and other drugs, anger, stress, sleep deprivation, problems in the relationship -- although these all can be contributing factors.
Domestic violence IS a learned behavior -- through observation, through experience and reinforcement in the family, in the community, school, or peer group, and in the culture. It is not found in any one social-economic group or ethnic group or age group. It finds itself present in all areas … including churches.
Another shocking statistic we heard is that one out of three teenage dating relationships have some sort of violence connected to it, be it verbal, physical, and/or sexual.
And yet most women and men who are victims of domestic violence do nothing about it. There are many reasons for this, the biggest of which is fear. Fear of the consequences, fear of the unknown, fear of starting over, fear of being alone, fear of confrontation, fear of the shame it produces. But it doesn't have to be that way.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence there is help available. Come and talk to me. Let me help you. Let me help your friend. There are numerous agencies and programs out there that specialize in just this sort of abuse.
The most important thing you need to know is that you/they are not alone. You don't have to suffer in silence. You don't have to continue to live the way you do. The church is here for you and I am here for you.
And if you or someone you know are prone to abuse there is help for you too. Don't settle for "It's just the way I am." Or "I can't help myself." Or "If she/he just wouldn't make me so mad!" Those are cop-outs. You can change (with help) and when you do I promise you'll be happier than ever before.
I hope that the information I learned and brought back with me from this event is never needed, but if it is, please know that I can be a resource.
I am thankful that my eyes were opened. I am thankful that there are a myriad of agencies and departments out there who care and are set up to give help to those who are victimized by domestic violence and those who are perpetrators of it. I am thankful that we have a loving community of faith that will support those in need and throw their arms of love around those who feel abandoned and alone.
And I am thankful for a God who loves me and you and all of us even in those darkest times when we feel God is nowhere to be found. God is there. I promise. God has not abandoned you or turned his back on you. God wants you to experience wholeness and joy, not brokenness and fear. It is never too late.
May you be blessed with courage, strength, and love. And as always, I'll see you on Sunday.
Pastor Tom |
|
